How I Changed the Law in California

Okay, I didn't do it myself.  Transgender Law Center and others in the LGBT legal community made it happen.  But I did play a part in it.  A few months after the court date I ran into Kristen Wertz of TLC.  She told me that they had presented my case at a national legal conference in New York.  The way we pursued it was being used as a template for gaining a change of legal status for other transgendered persons with serious illness by attorneys throughout the country.  That really felt good.  While my lawyers deserve the credit for the strategy, I was the one that persuaded 3 doctors, including 2 Professors of Medicine at UCSF, to write letters in support of my petition.

I do volunteer work at the American Liver Foundation which is in the Flood Building downtown, the same building as TLC.  One day a short time ago I had a question about Medicare and HRT for transgender people, so I popped in to see if they might know the answer.  It's been years but I was warmly greeted by the staff and Kristen Pulled me aside to tell me that the law in California had been changed.  It no longer required "appropriate surgeries", it now asked for "appropriate procedures".  My case was part of the successful lobbying effort to persuade legislators of the need to change the law.  Now it is not only enabling for trans people with disabilities but for all transgender people.  When you consider that 80% of us will never have SRS, that change of one word in the law will have a positive impact on many lives.

I am by no means an activist.  I was involved early in my transition but at some point I decided to mainstream and that has worked well for me.  I'm happy to be just one of the girls.  Still, I can't help but have a sense of pride that I played a role in something so important to so many people.

Making it legal.

Date of events: May through October 2007.

Changing a drivers license to one's new name and gender is simple. The California DMV even has a form for it.  All you need is a doctor's signature and it's done.  Doing it so that one can enter into contracts, marry get a passport requires a court order.  The name part is a slam dunk.  Just complete the petition, pay the filing fee and run an ad in the paper.  Gender is a bit trickier.

The state law in 2007 required the petitioner to have completed "appropriate surgery".  What exactly does that mean "appropriate surgery" ?  Is that sex reassignment surgery?  Or are breast implants good enough?  Orchiectomy?  Judges had great deal of discretion in deciding each case.  As previously mentioned the only surgeries I could have were of the life saving variety.  The above surgeries are elective and cosmetic.  I met with lawyers at The Transgender Law Center and they saw in my case an opportunity to challenge the surgery requirements.

My case included statements from my gynecologist, my hepatoligist and my primary care physician supporting my petition.  My hepatolagist went as far to say the only surgery I was eligible for was a liver transplant.  It was a long wait for a court date.  The lawyers wanted time to develop strategy.  While the petition was filed in July, the actual court date wasn't until October.
 
The day finally arrived.  I wore my best job inerview clothes.  A black wool suit with a pink knit top.  A string of pearls with matching earrings competed the ensemble.  I met my attorneys outside and together we entered the court room, sat and waited for my name to be called.  This was the last time I would answer to the name Jonathan Wagner.  There were a number of people before us including another transgender woman.  Finally I heard my name called.  I approached the podium flanked by my attorneys.  I should mention that my lawyers did a great job on the pleading.  They argued that "Ms. Wagner is gravely ill.  Granting this petition would at least allow her to be buried in her true gender" all of which is true, just presented in a rather stark manner.

The judge looked through our petition quickly then read the purpose of the document.  She paused, looked up and said "I'm inclined to grant this petition.  Is there something else counsel would like to add?"  Somehow we contained ourselves!  Kristina Wertz, one of my attorneys, replied "No, your Honor".  Her Honor said "Petition granted, see the clerk".  Once outside the courtroom there were hugs and high fives all around!

For all intents and purposes I was now Joanna.  Even my birth certificate was changed.  A major step toward transition was complete.  This should be the end of the legal story but there's more,  which I'll tell you about in my next post.

And so it begins.. .27 April 2006

Originally composed 27 April 2006

I came out to my boss today! I bought some nice new outfits over the weekend and really wanted to wear them to the office. So I approached her about my choice of clothing (my gender presentation is currently ambiguous). I said I'm TG and would like to dress in a more feminine manner. She was a little surprised, but said she'd need to talk to her boss and she brought up a few issues I hadn't considered. Like if I wanted to present myself as female I need to be consistent in other things. Like restroom facilities and did I want to continue being called Jonathan? So I picked the ladies room and Joanna!
Peggy said she'd run it by Melissa, the director, and announce it at the Monday staff meeting. She asked me to hold off on any changes until then.
She then told me about 2 other t-girls she had worked with that came out at work, and she'd become close friends with one of them. I showed her a picture of me dressed and she told me how pretty I was! Then she thanked me for trusting her enough to tell her about it.
So, for the first time, Joanna will appear in the workplace!

It's true that I didn't think things through completely. I did know that there was little risk in approaching my supervisor. I work for the City of San Francisco in a mental health clinic. Among our units is a transition program, TS people seeking SRS. It began 30 years ago. What I didn't consider was the impact of my coming out on other staff members and how to deal with it. It's a done deal. We need to work out some details, but I'll be a working girl next week!

Originally composed 29 April 2006


Girls, you are not going to believe what happened to me yesterday. It all started on Thursday when I took a different route home from work to do some shopping. I take the Muni train home and this landed me at the end of the downtown corridor instead of the beginning, where I usually board. That meant I’d be packed like a sardine for 30 minutes riding out to where I live. The trains outbound were delayed,. it was rush hour and I knew it would be really uncomfortable so I grabbed an inbound train to catch my train at the beginning of the line and get a seat.
When I got to the station my train was boarding and I ran across the platform but was seconds late and the driver wouldn’t open the door for me. In anger and frustration, i went to hit the side of the train with the outside of my hand. Mean time, the train started to pull away and instead of hitting the aluminum side, I hit the big plate of safety glass, which immediately turned into a big spider web.
I was stunned! I had no intention of doing that!
I faded into the crowd and decided it would be wise to get my tranny ass out of there, post haste. The next train that came, I slipped in quickly and took a seat across from the door. Then I noticed that the train was delayed. Seconds later two large men enter, one a Muni employee, the other a transit cop. I hear the Muni guy say ‘That’s him. He hit the glass on the last train’ as they approached. I jumped up, said “Sorry gotta run!” and dashed out the door up the stairs, through the turnstile up an escalator to the street where I jumped into a taxi and got away!

My transition at work hasn’t happened yet. It will be the week of May 1 or the following week at the latest. We need to have a meeting to discuss details (I’m a participant) and all the concerned parties are very supportive. So when I go to work, I’m still wearing boy clothes. In reality a blend of men’s and women’s apparel. On Friday it occurs to me that my accident is recorded on video and there are people at the station that might remember me. What to do???
I decide a disguise is in order so I stop by a thrift shop and find a nice coral colour top for $3. I step into the dressing room, put on the top, which fits, and go into my purse. I take out a scrunchie and pull back my hair into a high pony tail. I put on some dangly earrings, a plum lipstick and dark glasses. Voila! Instant Girl!
It took less than 5 minutes. I stepped out of the dressing room and asked the woman behind me waiting to use what she thought. She didn’t know I was the same person!
Needless to say, I had no problem at the train station

Everyday, a New Adventure

Originally composed 2 May 2006 
Tired of wrecking trains and running from Muni cops, I decided to take it easy over the weekend. I have a friend, Michael, whom I have breakfast with on Saturday mornings. I’d told him about transition and Joanna in the past but he’d never actually met her. I thought it was time they were introduced. I wore black slacks, a white cami and a 3/4 sleeve red shirt, open to my tummy. Finished up with black, ankle high boots with a chunky heel. I was a woman out for Saturday errands. I did my instant girl make up trick from the previous day because I was pressed for time. When I arrived I found my friend talking with an acquaintance. I walked toward him and he made no sign of recognition. When I got to the corner where he was standing I stopped and waited a second. Still, no response. I touched his sleeve and said in a low, throaty voice “ Hi, sailor, wanna have a good time?” He nearly fell over. After getting over his shock we decided on a cafe, a joint called Darla’s. I’d been there many times before but I was dressed boi. Besides with Michael, I’d been with my partner, a g-girl named Mary. She had told me on previous occasions the Darla hates women. She’s friendly, even flirtatious with men but barely acknowledged other women. I’d always thought she was exaggerating but today I would experience this myself. Darla came over and said hi, asked if we wanted coffee and gave us menus. While she spoke she directed it toward Michael. I was not included. Throughout the meal she completely ignored me. She directed all her attention to Michael and generally kept her back to me. Meanwhile she flirted and talked to my companion at every opportunity. She exchanged about 2 words with me. When we left I couldn’t wait to call Mary and tell her about my experience and apologize for doubting her. I’d learned it’s a completely new world out there.

The Meeting

Originally composed 6 May 2006Well, I did it. I am out at work and in full transition! The meeting yesterday went great. The program director, office manager and my supervisors were there. They told me I had their complete support. While TG people had worked at the centre in the past, I will be the first to transition there. We had some small talk and I said something I had noticed when out en femme was men talked down to me. The women burst into laughter, and Melissa the director said 'Welcome to the real world, sister' !
I'm making the announcement at the Monday staff meeting. Henceforth, I am Joanna W. I need to check with my bank about a name change on my account and pay checks will be made out to Joanna. My debit/credit card can also be reissued under my new name.
Today I'm going out for girl stuff. A haircut/colour and manicure. I already know what I'm going to wear so I'll be spending the rest of the weekend trying to relax.

Monday, Monday....

Originally composed 8 May 2006, 8:00 AM PDT

Today's the day. In 5 hours I'll be standing in front of 40 people announcing that I'm a TG woman in transition. Kind of a scary thought, My heart rate is increasing just writing this.
I'll be dressed en femme requesting that that everyone call me Joanna and in the future I'll be using the ladies room. The restroom thing is the scariest part!
I'll post on how it all goes this evening.


Originally composed 8 May 2006, 6:00 PM PDTWell girls, it's done! I'm now a woman named Joanna at my place of employment.
First, what did I wear?
A lavender cami with a half way buttoned white shirt (when I leaned forward I showed a little bosom) and black slacks. My nails are a pale lavender, hair freshly trimmed and dyed Dark Auburn. Black boots and a red blazer finished the ensemble. My make up was exquisite and tasteful.
I arrived just before the meeting started and I was one of the last people to sit. I could feel all eyes upon me as I grabbed a chair. I walked toward the back and my co-workers Steve and Bobbie called out 'Hi Joanna!'. I sat next to them. Just before I went in, Bobbie had given me a big hug and said 'I wondered when you'd do this!'.
Melissa called the meeting to order and began with Jonathan has an announcement to make. I stood up and thanked everyone for their time and went on to say that 'I am a male to female transgender. I began the process of transition about 8 months ago.' I went on to say that I had other issues to deal with when I started this job which is why I didn't come out earlier or before I started. 'With those things behind, I'm ready to take the next step and transition here at work'. I said "my name is Joanna Warner and I'd like you to call me Joanna and think of me as a woman in the future. To be consistent with my gender identity I'll be using the women's room from now on.'
I did a bit of flattery saying how the Centre had a long history of support for the TG community. And that if I couldn't come out here, where could I?
I asked if anyone had any questions. There were comments about 'don't be upset if I get your name wrong in the beginning' but mostly expressions of support One clinician commented how brave I was to stand up in a room full of people and make such a personal announcement.
When Q&A ended, I said 'Thank you for your time. I need to get your files for tomorrow ready.' and left the room. Lots of people came up to me afterwords and expressed their support. I was hugged a few times and the director of the TG Program came up and told me that when she first met me and I was introduced as Jonathan, she thought 'That's strange, but If that's what she wants to be called'
All and all it went very well! I hardly did any work because everyone wanted to talk to me! I feel a sense of empowerment for having done it! The only problem is, what shall I do for an encore?

It's the end of my first week of transition and the beginning of the 2nd. I have been en femme 24/7 for a week! So far, so good.

It's been an exciting time. Each day when I awaken I wonder what new adventure lies ahead today. For the first time in decades I look upon the world with new eyes. I relate to the world and my place in it without the cynicism that clouded my male vision of the world. People have been supportive and accepting. My co-workers treat me like another one of the girls. They also give me advice on hair, make-up, clothing andshoes!
I love shoes. Not just pumps and things that look sexy but flats, practicle shoes that are pretty, sandals of various kinds, etc.. I have worn heels every day for a week now. I have to tell you, my feet are killing me. Breaking in a new pair of shoes is a misnomer. The shoes break in your feet! I've a corn on each of my little toes, and I'm working on a calluss on the outside ball of my left foot! If you're considering making the change, start breaking in your feet now!

Love,

Joanna

Published 05/14/2006

How Did I Get Here from There?

The most eventfull part of this week has been how uneventful it’s been. I have the normal day to day stuff that that you do but life once again has fallen into a pattern. The differance is that I live as a girl most of the time.  Ten days later that seems normal. I get up in the morning, take a shower fix my hair, pick out my clothes dress put on my make-up and meet the world! I can even put on eye liner on a moving train! That’s a major accomplishment. I’ve not experienced any ostracisim for my change from anyone yet.

The women at work are wonderful. I'm just another one of the girls. I have conversations with other women in the Lady's Room! My biggest fear has turned out to be nothing at all. The professionals, shrinky-dinks of various credintials, call me Joanna. The other clerical and adimistrative workers call me Joni. I am blessed that I work with an exrtordinary group of men and women.

I've had a little time to reflect on recent events and I realized that my corset is what caused me to take the plunge. It's white satin and of an Edwardian style, which means it has shoulder straps and can be warn over the breasts or under as there are no cups. I bought it several years ago to give me curves in tight fitting outfits but was quickly dismayed to learn sheer styles reveal the boning and lacings of the garment. I used it as gift wrapping on a couple of sex-capades but mostly it stayed in my closet, unused.

I have occassional problems with my lower back and sometime in March the pain started to get acute. It was getting ready to go and I knew from past experience that I'd be looking at a week of bed rest or a steady diet of Vicoden and Soma to get me through it. I started taking a hot shower in the morning followed by yoga stretches before dressing for work.  That helped but relief came when I remembered my mom's corset that she wore for her back problems when I was a kid! I thought, why not try the one hanging in the closet? So I did. The support that it gave my mid section eliminated the stress on my muscles and I continued with all my normal activities.

It did some other things as well. It gave me curves where there should be curves. It made my breasts more prominent. I gained confidence that I could be a woman. Shortly after that I went for the laser hair removal on my face. I started to believe in my self and my ability to transition into a woman. I would not go back. I'd wanted this all my life and now was the time. That's when I approached my supervisor about what I wanted to do.

Originally published  05/18/2006

Changes....

I wish there was some way that you could plug-in to me and feel what I'm feeling. It is so good. Better than I ever imagined. It has nothing to do with sex, though I catch guys checking me out from time to time. It's a feeling of freedom. Knowing that I will never have to hide my true self ever again. Jill said to me the other day " you know, you can't go back now." She's right. Why would I want to?

I'm a nicer person. I have more energy and I'm enthusiastic about the things I do. I've lost much of my cynicism and sarcasm (well, maybe just a little).

There is a man I know that met me as male. He's watched me change over the last several weeks from femme guy to a woman. He's not an admirer. When I came out he was very happy for me and gave me a warm hug. We've flirted a little in the past as well as talked about shared interests and that's continued. He walked up to me today and looked at me. He raised his hand up and touched my face, running his fingers down my cheek.

"You're becoming so soft" he said.

"Do you like it?" I asked.

"Yes, very much."

The moment was broken when someone else approached. I'm hopefull this will develop into more. But imagine a guy that likes me for me, not my genitalia.

Extra, Extra, Joanna Goes Legit!

I've been overcome by an overwhelming sense of honesty! On Tuesday I told my therapist that I'd been using hormones on the sly. I told her I'd been doing it for years on and off. "So, why are you telling me now?", was her response. Interesting thing going on. My shrink doesn't believe that transgenderism is a disorder even though GID is listed as such in the DSM-IV. Like homosexuality, she believes it should be delisted. There is currently a movement to do so in the shrink community.

I want to get everything out in the open, especially to my MDs. So I'm seeing a gynecologist in 2 weeks. I've found one that specializes in the needs of lesbian and transgender women (only in San Francisco!). When I have my prescription in hand, I'll let my other doctors know.

Now, I wonder f I'll get to put my feet in the stirrups?

Hugs,

Joanna

Originally Published 05/25/2006

What about love????

I've been brooding the last few days over my love life, or lack of one.  Meetings online have not worked out very well for me. It's always a hassle and then the guy usually turns out to be a doofus that's married anyway. Then there's the tranny scene. Going out to tranny bars and hanging with the other girls, maybe dancing and going home with someone you just met. Unfortunately for me, I don't drink. It's really hard to convince myself that a sow's ear is a a silk purse while sober.

I'm not looking for someone to be my one and only. I want someone with whom I can share feelings and thoughts as well as my bed. Maybe pick-up bars aren't the best place to find him. Maybe admirers and fetish scene people aren't the ones that have what I'm looking for.

I'm considering leaving the whole TG dating scene behind. Compete out in the world with g-girls (and boys) for the kind of person I want. If I'm going to hang out in bars, why not bars where there's a mix of gay and straight people? Or participate in activities that attract a broad spectrum of people? I think I'd stand a better chance of finding someone special that way. I can always go back to Divas on Saturday night.


"Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities also has the power to make you commit atrocities." ... Voltaire (1694-1778)\


Originally published 05/30/2006

Pride

San Francisco hosts the largest LGBT Pride event in the world. In fact we call it Pride Week because of the parties and events that go on all week reaching a climax on Sunday with the parade. Tens of thousands of tourists pump $100 million into the the City’s economy. I had never before marched in the parade so I decided this was the year to go for it. After all, walking down the middle of Market Street en femme in front of 100,000 people, you can’t get much more out than that!

There are lots of transgender people in the parade but most are of the drag queen variety. I don’t do drag so I had to finagle an invitation out of a more transsexual oriented group, which I did. Thank you, Dawn from TGSF! This was a special year for trans folk as a week prior was the 40th anniversary of the riots at Compton’s Cafeteria, the beginning of the LGBT rights movement in San Francisco. PBS airs an excellent documentary on the event called Screaming Queens!

I arrived shortly after 10:00 at the gathering point near the Embarcadero. It started late as usual and began with the traditional firing up of engines by the beloved Dykes on Bikes. We entered the flow about 11:15. In my rush to get out the door, I left with a Luna bar for breakfast and half a bottle of water. I thought I’d be able to buy food and water there, which I could have had I not forgotten my wallet. ‘No problem’, says I ‘The buildings will block the sun.’ So on with the parade I went. I wasn’t all that happy to be marching along the side of a float with a Beautiful blond, Queen of something or another, 5 feet above me. Not that moi is ever jealous or vain. On I marched down Market, Smiling and waving to the crowd!

I soon discovered that the pavement on Market is hardly pavement at all. It’s ventilation grates for the subway below. Quite a challenge in heels! The shade held out for a few blocks but I soon found myself in direct sunlight on one of the warmer days we get in the City. I started to overheat right away. I was a good girl and took my diuretics that morning and was soon dehydrated and hypoglycaemia followed quickly after.  I came to the end and made a b-line for the subway only to find the parade crowd between me and the staircase. Did I mention that I’m mildly agoraphobic ? I was in a complete panic. Everything went wrong at once. I was ready to punch anyone that got in my way (I didn’t)! I made it out of the parade zone and called a friend who met me at the next train station with food and water in hand.

Sometime later sitting in Burgermeister with a glass of iced tea and French fries in hand I thought to myself; What an adventure!

Originally published 07/07/2006

Dance

I'm feeling much better. Went to the doc's, they couldn't tell me shit, 'Leave some blood at the counter and we'll get back to you'.

I discovered that the biggest cause of stress in my life is MUNI. I was relaxed when I left for the MDs but by the time I got there I was back to to my sociopathic self. I need to seriously re think this public transportation thing.

I found a way to help me cope last night. Dance. I was listening to some tunes (Divinyls - I Touch Myself) and my head started movin' to the beat. The feel of my hair in motion and my earrings hitting my neck made me smile. I got up and danced by myself to that and 10 other rocky tunes and I felt happy again! I still am this morning.

I'm making my own 20 minute workout to songs I like to do 3 or 4 times a week. I'd also like to go out dancing once a week.

Know any retro clubs? I like 80s and 90s music best.!

Originally published 07/25/2006

Health, Meds, Depression

I haven't been writing as much because I've been having medication problems. It started on August 22nd. I'd stopped by my pharmacy to pick up some meds and took the bus home. I bought some new cosmetics, including a new lipstick, which I tried on the bus. When I arrived at my destination I got off the bus with my new colour and left my meds on the seat next to me. I took two steps away when I remembered where I left them and turned to find the bus pulling away with $1200 worth of my prescription drugs on board. My efforts to recover them proved fruitless. It looked like I would have to get by without them. The Celebrex I could live without. Joint inflammation isn't pleasant but it won't kill me either. Prevacid could be replaced with Prilosec OTC and I could make it till refill day without a GI bleed. The real problem was Xifaxan. It controls a condition called hepatic encephalopathy, which CAN kill me. There is an alternative therapy, but it doesn't work nearly as well and you have chronic diarrhea and dehydration to contend with as side effects. You could say it sucks!

I thought I could tough it out for the three weeks before I could get my scrip refilled. I was wrong. The first thing that happens is I can't process incoming information very well and I start to get confused. That leads to frustration and from there I get angry. I started lashing out at those around me and when alone, crying uncontrollably and feeling depressed. I stopped sleeping and became more and more tense and out of control. By 04 Sept., I'd had enough. I called the pharmacy and ordered a 10 day supply for $300, enough to get me through till refill day.

The effect was immediate. I started feeling better but it took till the last week of Sept. for me to return to normal and a couple weeks of Ambien to restore a normal sleep pattern. I've contacted Aetna to see about adding lost prescription coverage to my policy.


BTW I have End Stage Liver Disease due to chronic hepatitis c. Things were looking pretty grim 4 years ago but I surprised everyone and got better.  Sort of. I need a liver transplant at some point in the future but I have this time of stability which will probably last for years. Hopefully enough time to accomplish everything important to me.

Originally published 10/06/2006.  I had that liver transplant March 25, 2011

Bad News

I'm officially non-op. I saw the Grand Poobah of doctors Tuesday (I have 4). He told me that it would be incredibly dangerous for me to have GRS. I could die or become very ill.

It wasn't unexpected. My health has improved in the last 2 years and I got my hopes up. One doc even told me that I could do an orchi and penectomy if I wanted. Without the GRS though, it just doesn't make sense to me.

I have a sense of disappointment. I'm going to have to make my way in the world as a chick with a dick. I could seek another opinion but I don't think I'd find another transplant surgeon who thought otherwise. I'm a pre-op liver transplant patient. The stress of the GRS could put me into liver failure and I would need an emergency transplant. If a suitable doner could be found. On top of that my blood doesn't clot.

My doctor didn't forbid me from doing it. He just laid out the risks and made a compelling argument against GRS. Ultimately it's my decision. I'm not ready to die yet so I'll have to live with it.

The truth is I knew it was a possibility but I hoped for improvement that would put me over the top. I didn't improve, in fact I'm a little worse than I was at the last appointment.

It was foolish of me to get my hopes up. On an intellectual level I know that I'm not going to get better. I'm stable and that may continue for some time but I'll never improve. Eventually I'll start to decline and need the TX.

As I write this I'm starting to cry. I feel damn bad about it. No GRS, a premature death and a life filled with disease. I caught HCV when I was 18 yo for Christ's sake. I tried IV drugs a handful of times. 20 years later I'm haemorrhaging in my living room. I never even new I had it!

Originally published 11/18/2006

Now, For Something Completely Different

I had the strangest dream last night! I'd been on a tour of the White House, When I passed a sitting room I looked in and there was my cat, Callie, sitting on the couch! I went in to get her.

She decided to play Hide & Seek.   I was on my knees trying to get her from under the couch. Just then President Bush walked in with another man and sat at a table. The two men ignored me, taking me for a domestic cleaning up. They sat at a table and began to talk while eating their lunch which was Mexican food that miraculously appeared on the table (this is a dream after all). Bush and his companion talked politics while they ate and I continued to look busy and looked for Callie.

Bush went off on a rant about the Democrats. He said, " When a crises happens all they do is talk. They talk to each other then get on the phone and talk to everybody they can think of. They never Do anything, All they do is talk! " I got angry and walked over to the table and said, " Well at least they don't start killing people like Republicans do! ".

Bush looked stunned. He said, " Who are you and how did you get in here? " He seemed to be reaching for an alarm button under the table. I reached into his plate of food, scooped up the beans and rice with my hand and smooshed them into his face! I remember thinking ' You're going to be arrested for this, you know.  Assault and battery on the President of the United States! "

The recently smooshed Bush got up and hurried out of the room with beans and rice covering his face, his lunch companion close behind. The cat then jumped on the table and gave me a mocking look and meowed.  I said, " You think this is funny? I'm going to jail, you trouble maker! ". I scooped up another handful of beans and rice then smooshed Callie in the face, too!

Originally published 11/26/2006

Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future

So, here I am 2 months later! Christmas was especially hard on me this past year. I found myself wishing I could drink a magic potion the day after Thanksgiving and no wake up until Jan 2. I did finally get into the spirit of it the week just prior to the day. I found a shopping plan for the people closest to me. Three gifts each each. Something for the head, something for the body and something for the heart. For my daughter I bought a subscription to Mother Jones magazine, a facial care kit from the Body Shop and a silver omega necklace.

New Years eve we got comp tickets to the symphony party that featured Strauss waltzes and Vegas style crooner. Loved the waltz, hated the crooner. My date and I felt like we should be sitting at the kids' table! Most of the revelers were much older than us! It was a good time though. Gave me something to talk about around the water cooler at work!

2007 is proving to be full of big changes. My job is coming to an end on 8 Feb 07. I've begun revising my resume and thinking about what my next brilliant move will be. I'm hoping to land a job as a peer counselor somewhere in the Dept. of Public Health or a non-profit organization. I spent most of my career making money for people that already have lots of money. Somehow I'd like to make a bigger contribution to humanity than that.

My personal life is looking like there will be big changes too. I expect to be living elsewhere soon, either in the Bay Area or maybe Montreal??? I'll soon find out.

Originally published 01/31/2007

What a Difference a Month Makes

March came in like a lion for me! All of the things happening to me are good or for the best. In February my job at the mental health clinic came to an end. It was sad for me as I had grown to love being there. My last months were quite eventful. I took a stress management course and came out with important new skills. I learned to let go. I learned to accept supervision without hostility. My interactions with my coworkers became much smoother. My program supervisor told me that she sees many clients pass through her program untouched but that I had made profound changes in myself in my quest to return to work.

After my last day I decided to take a little time off before I started to look for work. That lasted about 10 days until I got bored. I decided I wanted to be a peer counsellor in the mental health field. The city had discontinued it’s program due to lack of funding so I had to look outside for nonprofit organisation. With the help of my employment counsellor I soon had applied for 2 great jobs.

One is with the Independent Living Resource Center helping mentally and physically disabled people to access the resources they needed to improve there lives. I’m happy to say that I’ve landed that one! I’ll start a six week training course on March 27.

I had my 2nd interview yesterday for a job as a mental heath consumers advocate with the Mental Health Association. This would be a much higher profile position that includes organising consumer groups to advocate to various service providers and do some public speaking myself. My interview went well so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I’m the best woman for the job!

Since I hate waiting for the phone to ring, I’ll be looking for other prospective employers next week.

Originally published 03/14/2007

I Have Arrived

I have arrived. I've reached the point where Jonathan is a ghost from the past. Joanna is the person that has replaced him.  Note 04/12/2012: I was quite ill when the before picture was taken.  I was still sick when the after shot was taken but my condition was much better managed.

Originally published 08/27/07

Six months since my last entry. Two years since I took those first tentative steps toward transition.

At my last entry I was looking for a job and a new career. I'm pleased to say I've accomplished both of those. Shortly after that post I received a call from UCSF. A mental health clinic run in partnership with The City was starting a vocational rehabilitation program using a Supported Employment model. Would I be interested in being a Life Coach? So began a long hiring process. It's not easy getting hired at the University of California. I had one interview in front of 15 staff members. After I received the offer it took another 6 weeks to do the paperwork. I finally started in July and I'm happy to have found a new direction in my career.

Originally published 09/16/2007

"A man who sets out to make himself up is taking on the Creators role, according to one way of seeing things; he's unnatural, a blasphemer, an abominations of abominations. From another angle you could see pathos in him, heroism in his struggle, in his willingness to risk: not all mutants survive. Or, consider him sociologically: most migrants learn and become disguises. Our own false descriptions to counter the falsehoods invinted about us, concealing for reasons of security our secret selves.

A man who invents himself needs someone to believe in him, to prove he's managed it. Playing God again, you could say. Or you could come down a few notches and think of Tinkerbell; Fairies don't exist if children don't clap their hands. Or you might simply say: it's just like a man."

The Satanic Verses - Salman Rushdie



read this passage this morning and it seemed to address so many different parts of the transgender experience: the hatred of the religeous right, creating a new identity and the need to pass. It's left me with food for thought and I'm wondering if anyone sees things in it I missed.